Retail therapy

Retail therapy. That seems to be the only thing that I need right now. I need a good manicure, a new purse, and some chocolate.

Let me update you. J1 and I are over. On Free Pancake Day, nonetheless, I finally got up the courage to break it off with him (hopefully for good). All I got in return was a hamster cage thrown my way and a million question interview from my friends and parents. I remember calling my parents after it happened and being totally okay with it. "I'm fine, I know this is the best decision," I said over and over on the phone.

It's not fine. It's been two days and I'm finally starting to feel it. I was home sick with the stomach flu today and it hit me that I had no one to come and cuddle me. No one to take care of me.

My friend M was suppose to come up this weekend to visit and I was going to start to get over this breakup. Fucking blizzard ruined that. She just texted me, upset over a boy. I explained that I missed J1, even if he was terrible to me. The more I think about it, I don't think I miss J1 at all. I think I miss the attention, J4 and I won't see each other for awhile (thanks stomach flu/Mother Nature) J2 and I don't talk, and J3...well he's taken.

So I'm an attention whore. This is not a good realization, but also one that's not surprising. I've been in a relationship for the past 5 years of my life, with only a 4 month break in between the two. 3 years with W, 2 with J1. Before that, I never had a boyfriend. I was independent and didn't rely on attention from guys to make me happy. Is that what I've become? Unable to be independent? This breakup might be the best thing that could happen to me.

Sure, it's going to suck. I'm going to have to rely on other things to make me happy. The gym, my students, pep band. Something other than the dreaded J's or any other guy that I might be after.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I need a manicure. I need a purse. I can do this.